“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
What would it be like to expect nothing from another?
Can you contemplate it?
Having expectations that others meet your needs is at the heart of all struggle in your life. When you habitually expect from others to make you happy, you end up living a life that is not your own. You live a re-occurring experience of longing, disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness. Like a ‘Puppet on a String’ you depend on someone completely and as you do this you expect them to change… for you.
Rather than experience and accept the negative feeling/s that arise in you, your default is to blame the other person for causing your suffering in the first place.
Most of the time you may not be aware that you are living your life ‘in waiting mode’ for your expectations to be met. This is ok when the waters are calm with no storm in sight. But when you feel let down, not considered, abandoned, the reality of feeling both tied and denied can be hard to cope with. You wonder how has your situation come to this whilst continuing to look outside of yourself for the answers.
Relationship struggle, suffering or break-down is inevitable when our personal well-being and happiness depends on it. You leave yourself without the capacity to see beyond what you crave, with no opportunity to locate options or possibilities for your present never mind your future.
So what would it be like to contemplate a way of being that expects nothing from another?
Grasping what this would mean for your life and it’s direction involves you becoming aware of the people and situations that trigger negative reactions within you. This takes time and practice. This takes patience. This takes a new relationship with yourself.
Today when you find yourself looking to another for the solution to something you really want start with asking yourself the following three questions (don’t expect immediate answers!!)
1. What do I want from this situation?
2. How would I like to feel when I have it?
3. What can I do to better support myself in the mean-time?
Relationships need space and understanding in order for them to function and to flourish. You are a key part of any relationship you have. Learn to give Yourself space, understanding and compassion when you need to. You deserve it.